My husband, Alex, is as far away from meditation and spirituality as any person can be. He has simple needs and doesn’t wonder about and ask deep life questions. If he can just do his work and have fun with people he loves, he is happy. If you asked him what made him happy, you can expect to hear simple things like food, sleep, entertainment, sex, etc.
I am always the one thinking and reading about things like purpose, being in the now, mindfulness. Meditation has also no doubt helped me a lot.
But it just struck me that so many of the things that I try hard to inculcate within me, are those that come to him naturally, without even trying.
Acceptance of life’s situations
As a woman, I am hard wired to talk and explain things in detail to my girl friends, and also occasionally, my husband. Especially if these are things that upset or infuriated me. So there I go, ranting about all that happened to my husband, and how that makes me feel, and how my plans are affected because of this incident, and how this should not have happened, and how some person shouldn’t have done what he or she did…blah, blah, blah.
He just listens to me, and then asks a simple question, which makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration: “And now?”
2 words, summing up a whole lot: Now that this has happened, what are you going to do about it? What’s your next step? You can’t change what happened. You can’t change the past, so how are you going to accept it? And how are you going to be now, and in the future?
And I am like, were you not LISTENING to me? I am upset!!! But he has no patience to brood about the past. So he’s like sure, I know you are upset, but being upset won’t solve the problem. It is what it is. Just move on, calm down, and see what to do next.
And I know he is right. What we resist, persists. Spirituality is about total acceptance of life, which doesn’t come to me so easily. It does to him, and he doesn’t even think he’s spiritual!
Living in the present
Like most men, when Alex is doing some work, he can see that and only that. Maybe it’s because as it’s widely believed, men can’t, or don’t want to multi-task. But it’s not just about tasks.
My husband is not a big fan of remembering events and circumstances and holding them close to his heart or keeping them top of mind. He is so relaxed and chilled out, that when he is having fun, he only thinks about having fun. I, on the other hand, have like a gazillion thoughts going around in my head. Past, present, future, etc., doing their crazy merry-go-rounds. Even though I am having fun, there could still be things nagging me.
I realize how much he is in the moment when I tell him something about something else, and he looks totally lost. Like he has NO idea what I am talking about, even if it is so