mindfulness perspective spirituality

How I Learnt Spirituality From My Non-Spiritual Husband

My husband, Alex, is as far away from meditation and spirituality as any person can be. He has simple needs and doesn’t wonder about and ask deep life questions. If he can just do his work and have fun with people he loves, he is happy. If you asked him what made him happy, you can expect to hear simple things like food, sleep, entertainment, sex, etc.

I am always the one thinking and reading about things like purpose, being in the now, mindfulness. Meditation has also no doubt helped me a lot.

But it just struck me that so many of the things that I try hard to inculcate within me, are those that come to him naturally, without even trying.
Acceptance of life’s situations

As a woman, I am hard wired to talk and explain things in detail to my girl friends, and also occasionally, my husband. Especially if these are things that upset or infuriated me. So there I go, ranting about all that happened to my husband, and how that makes me feel, and how my plans are affected because of this incident, and how this should not have happened, and how some person shouldn’t have done what he or she did…blah, blah, blah.

He just listens to me, and then asks a simple question, which makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration: “And now?”

2 words, summing up a whole lot: Now that this has happened, what are you going to do about it? What’s your next step? You can’t change what happened. You can’t change the past, so how are you going to accept it? And how are you going to be now, and in the future?

And I am like, were you not LISTENING to me? I am upset!!! But he has no patience to brood about the past. So he’s like sure, I know you are upset, but being upset won’t solve the problem. It is what it is. Just move on, calm down, and see what to do next.

And I know he is right. What we resist, persists. Spirituality is about total acceptance of life, which doesn’t come to me so easily. It does to him, and he doesn’t even think he’s spiritual!
Living in the present

Like most men, when Alex is doing some work, he can see that and only that. Maybe it’s because as it’s widely believed, men can’t, or don’t want to multi-task. But it’s not just about tasks.

My husband is not a big fan of remembering events and circumstances and holding them close to his heart or keeping them top of mind. He is so relaxed and chilled out, that when he is having fun, he only thinks about having fun. I, on the other hand, have like a gazillion thoughts going around in my head. Past, present, future, etc., doing their crazy merry-go-rounds. Even though I am having fun, there could still be things nagging me.

I realize how much he is in the moment when I tell him something about something else, and he looks totally lost. Like he has NO idea what I am talking about, even if it is something that concerns both of us. Then I have to explain the context, and then he is like, “Ohhhh!”

I can literally see on his face the transition he has to do between the 2 worlds and time scenarios: one that he is in, and the one I just mentioned. And he doesn’t like that too much, because now he lost his focus on fun.

Reminds me of the washing dishes meditation technique: While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes.

I have still a long way to go before I reach that place, for sure!
Compassion and letting go

A big reason why many people suffer from unhappiness is because they hold on to grudges and behavior that other people did. In the recent past, or ages ago. They carry that resentment in their heart and it eats them from inside.

While I don’t have such big grudges against anyone, I still remember things that happened with other people, how I got hurt, and probably would never want anything to have to do with them. I don’t hold on to the past, but I usually retain only my perspective of it.

One day I asked Alex about such things in his life. And he couldn’t come up with even one! Of course there were things that happened with other people which upset him. But he said he would never know the other person’s perspective, so the best thing to do is not assume the other person WANTED to hurt him. Maybe it was just a difference of opinion. Maybe the other person had their troubles which made them do what they did. Anyway, no point keeping it in the heart so much and thinking about it. Just relax, let go, and be happy 🙂

So there you go! 3 ways of living a spiritual life that my non-spiritual husband has mastered. Well then he is spiritual anyway, isn’t he? 😉 Sometimes I tell him he is not a deep person, not so sensitive, and he agrees. He doesn’t get upset or affected easily by things, stays relaxed, takes things as they are, does what is required as and when, and enjoys life most of the time.

I love being how I am. Deep, reflective, empathetic…even if that makes life harder to deal with sometimes. And then, whenever I need to accept, relax, and let go, I go hug Alex, and stay in the moment with him. Sooo grateful for him!
My FF thought of the day: Inspiration, learning, and support for your life can come from sources you may not have even imagined. If you want to be and feel a certain way, or do things differently, look around you. Maybe there is a coworker, a friend, a family member, or even a stranger, whom you can learn some important life lessons from, even if it be for just a few minutes. Keep learning, keep appreciating. Be #PowerfullyYOU.

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